I hope mine doesn't look like that
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Randomize