tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I need to calm my uterus...
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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