the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
