When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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