I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Randomize
