I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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