He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
