I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
