so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
