I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Everclear isn't food dammit
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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