No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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