woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
