I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
operation have a gay friend backfired
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
We left an ass print on the piano.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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