sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize