There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
You just made me feel so damn special
I've blown a few things in my day
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
