youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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