the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
