do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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