I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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