I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
She swung at the pinata with crutches
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
My liver just had a heart attack.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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