You just made me feel so damn special
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You can't just leave with hair like that
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
