Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
