just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
