I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
