Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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