You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
