At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
