I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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