Swine flu is the new snow day.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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