I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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