I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
