even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
