Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
kristin has been a bad kristin
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
