i don't plan on having that self control this summer
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
