I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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