I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
