Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
