oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
