Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
