Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
