even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
