i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize
