I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
