But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
