You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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