I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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