Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Use "feeling words"
Yay
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
