it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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