??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
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