Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Randomize
