I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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