OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
