very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
