i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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