Where is the hickey?
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
