hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
