Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
