That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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