so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
