The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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