remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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