I wish I could punch you in the face.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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