I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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