were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
