All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
