So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
