dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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