If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
